Monday, August 10, 2009

bottle clink

The bottle clink trick. Oh man. This is just awful. I don't know who found out that tapping a bottle on top of another bottle would make it fizz, but way to go man. Not only are you forcing someone to attempt to drink (you facist) you're making an unnecessary mess that you probably won't clean up (you uh... republican? oh yeah I just went there). I wonder what the thought process is in order to actually do such a heinous thing to an unsuspecting person. Friendly joking around? or a 2000 year old torture?

True story: A buddy of mine was drinking a bottle of the finest malt liquor, and someone he knew wanted to give him a surprise. What happened? My buddy had this "trick" performed on the beverage he was holding. The "surprise" was shattered glass in his fucking hand. That's right, if you didn't know force + glass = SHATTERED PAINFUL DANGEROUS SHARDS THAT WILL CUT YOU WORSE THAN AN EMO GANGSTER.

This is directly the result of the beer bottle clink. Not at all of some random "bloody hand" google image search.

Do you know what this tells me about you? that you're a douchebag who wants to get someone drunk, but also that you can't get someone drunk without a cheap trick. Do you know how easy it is for you to get someone to take a drink?

Me: Hey dude, you're have a giant floppy vagina if you don't take this drink.
Dude: WTF IM A MAN WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY MANHOOD
Me: Because you're a girl. Take this drink.

Me: Hey dude, you're have a giant floppy vagina if you don't take this drink.
Girl: I'm a girl.
Me: HOLY SHIT i thought you were a guy. Take this roofie coolada?
Girl: What?
Me: Coolada?
Girl: Oh I LOVE Cooladas!

What, you can't string together a couple of coherent sentences or something? Notice girls never do it. It's because they can get anyone at any time to take a drink. and if they do perform this douchebaggery of a trick, then theyre just giant bitches. You might know of them, ya douchenozzle.