Button Flies

If you haven't come across button flies in your lifetime, consider yourself lucky. Unfortunately for me, apparently Europeans love them, and I had the misfortune of having to have to buy a pair of jeans in the Netherlands. And every, single, freaking pair has them. Not familiar? they look like this:

Wondering why you pants are just as fucking annoying to put on as
your button shirt? Blame Europeans

My dutch friend recently tried to convince me that button flies are, in fact superior. He said, after a while, you get so used to them that you can just undo them as quickly as a zipper, and that buttoning them up is also just as fast. My response: full of shit. How can it be physically easier and faster to perform 3 actions in the time it should take to do one? Shit, I have enough trouble buttoning the single button on my pants after zipping up, don't give me another 3.

The ONLY advantage I can think of for button flies is that there is no chance of getting your junk caught in the fly. But honestly, if that ever happens to you, you should probably rethink your genetics, and allow yourself to get castrated by the zipper.

Knowing my luck, it's probably going to fucking happen to me tomorrow.

People who order the same stuff at restaurants

I have to touch on this subject because I was recently traveling with some friends, and this discussion came up because I have major psychotic issues with people ordering the same shit at nice establishments (lets say, > $15 an entree). When it is time to order a conversation would occur that is something like this:

Waitress: What would you like?
Me: I would like the Lake Titicaca cut of beef ass with a side of Uncle Ben's rice and Soggy Vegetables. Medium rare, por favor.
Friend: Actually can I order the same exact thing? thanks!
Me: ... what the fuck? I thought you were getting the grilled piranha genitalia?
Friend: I did, and I was about to, but I heard what you were getting and it sounded delicious.
Me: Then fucking get what you are getting, and try some of mine. What if it's bad and neither of us like it? How the fuck are you going to go from fish to steak? The whole point of travelling this far out and going to a decent restaurant is to try shit that we haven't had before. You basically ruined the whole spirit of the trip.
Friend: I don't know I'm stupid. I'm still going to order the same exact thing you ordered, even though I wanted something else beforehand, just because what you ordered sounded good. Even though what I was going to order will most likely be just as, or more delicious, and more importantly, DIFFERENT than what you ordered I'm going to order it.
Waitress: Wow what that handsome, well versed man who ordered first has a point. Person who just rip offed that man, you're pretty much retarded.

There are, however, a COUPLE exceptions to this rule
1) bigass samplers
2) a dish that is the mainstay of the restaurant (steak at a good steakhouse, ribs at a rib joint, vagina at a brothel etc.)
3) if you're with 10+ other people. I will give the person who ordered the same shit as me the benefit of the doubt.

I will never order the same shit as you, no matter how delicious your dish sounds, unless it is an exception to the items above. If you do it to me I will probably shoot a laser at your freaking face.