why aren't my fucking gums fused to my teeth?

As I type this, I sit before you in immense displeasure. On a beer pick up run, I found myself in the greatest store chain in New Jersey - Bottle King. As I enter the magnificent establishment I encounter these never before seen Kariba Farms "Corn Crisp" bags in Texas BBQ flavor. Immediately I purchase these obviously delicious treats, questioning what I'm doing at a liquor store in the first place. I can't even begin to describe to you how good it looked, and for some mentally challenged reason they don't have this product listed on their website. So I'm just going to show you this picture:


Basically this snack is dried cooked corn kernels seasoned with the best junk food seasoning in the world: BBQ (although jalapeno is fast taking it's spot). I am thoroughly devouring this treat when all of a sudden I feel a pressure on my gums. Then I black out and have a flashback:

I fucking hate when this happens

Apparently, cooked corn gets lodged in your gums just like fucking popcorn. Yeah, that fucking unpopped portion of the kernel that penetrated that tiny, tight gap between your tooth and your gum. You know what I'm talking about. You better know what I'm talking about. This pain is NOT my own. Now excuse me while I attempt to furiously dig my gums out with a spoon.