Umbrellas

Umbrellas. Fuck umbrellas. People may say that my anger here is misplaced, that I should be angry at the weather. Guess what? I can't do shit about weather, whereas umbrellas are man made and man used, and definitely a bane in my fucking existence. Not only are they easier to lose than the anal virginity of a newly introduced prison inmate, as a mildly above average height male, THEY DON'T FUCKING WORK. I'm currently in a rage comic mode, so again I defer to these two situations (click for larger images).

Umbrella? More like umbrHELLa! AMIRITE?

Shitty ass umbrellas. You know what we (read "I") should use instead? bubbles. That's right. Those fucking bubbles that sick kids use when they can't be exposed to germs. And my bubble would be made of solid badass titanium. Why? because not only would I be as dry as a post-op tranny, I'd get to run over your big-umbrella-carrying stupid midget ass. What, you say? I won't be able to see? that's because I WON'T NEED TO. And I'll still be dry, bitchass.

It will not be dissimilar to this.