Here's to you, prefacer

Alright, here's the deal. People have opinions. I get it. Usually if I'm talking to you, I assume anything you're saying is an opinion, unless otherwise stated as such (usually denoted with "I read in the news today..." or "This study actually shows...". Unfortunately "Oh yeah my buddy's cousin's third wife's friend's half retarded step-son read something like..." does not count).

But take the prefacers. They want to make SURE you understand it's their opinion in case you didn't get it the first time, because you know, making assertions apparently needs a warning. But just looking at it at a purely objective standpoint, when was the last time someone started to say this:

"I don't want to sound racist, but..."

without saying something incredibly racist? i.e.

"I don't want to sound racist, but Asians look WEIRD."

Hell, I can pretty much tell you exactly how you are when you use these phrases. Let me show you a couple of examples:

• "I don't want to be a dick..." - Holy shit you are a dick the size of a gorilla's arm
• "No offense, but..." - Holy shit are you making fun of Jews??? WHILE WATCHING SCHINDLER'S LIST?!?!?
• "Not to put anyone down or anything, but..." - JESUS CHRIST dude, that guy was retarded!!! Why are you making fun of him??
  
• "Not to call out anyone, but..." - Wow dude, you just literally went up to that guy and slapped him with your penis
• "I don't want to generalize, but..." - Oh man that's totally understandable. OH WAIT NO IT ISN'T. YOU JUST CALLED ALL BLACK PEOPLE STUPID.

Look, I understand the idea of prefacing, so that you'll get less hate for the absolutely moronic statement you're about to make. But it doesn't preclude you from criticisms. Fuck dude, if you said

"I'm not racist, but why can't spics find real jobs?"

in front of a crowd of hispanics, their first response won't be "Hey, he's not racist!'